I'm not single. I have a cat.

Confession time.

No, really. When I tell you this, you have to pretend you never read it. We'll just agree that this blog post never happened, ok?

Here goes.

I sometimes go to the YMCA to exercise.

"Why is exercising a secret, Becky?"

I TOLD YOU WE WEREN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT.

You see, I have this thing where if people tell me how well I'm doing at something  or how good I look or generally compliment me at all, I proceed to act in a way that negates all of those good things. It's like self-sabotage. Except I'm pretty sure I have no control over it. In other words, if I tell you that I work out and you tell me that's great, I'll stop working out. I'm just a contrary type of person. So I'm going to tell you about my adventures at the Y and we can all just pretend that I observed these things whilst grocery shopping or something, k?

Boy, those are some fuzzy peaches, am I right? I swear that spaghetti was on sale...OMG, Salt & Vinegar Chips! Ima get me some!

See where I'm going with this?

Tonight I went to the Y and saw the following things:

1) People who are going way too fast on the elliptical, which made me feel like I should go faster, which made me tired. I can't decide whether or not I like these people.

2) An old classmate of mine, who was wearing a delightful shirt that said "I'm not single, I have a cat." I really hope he actually has a cat. Partly because I like honest apparel, and partly because I like cats, and I like people who like cats. I also realized that I'm a super awkward person, because he said hi to me and I was like, "....mm hmm" So Ryan, if you're reading this, here's what I would have said if I were even 1/10th less awkward: "Hey! How are you? How've you been? Love your shirt! I also hope you really have a cat because...you know...honesty."

3) Weightlifters who are basically stuntmen. One girl (I refer to her as Jag in my head, because of a tattoo on her shoulder) was jumping on and off a bench. It looked hard. I did not envy Jag at all. Another guy, we'll call him Latino Hulk, was doing HANDSTAND PUSHUPS. Wrong room, kids. Cirque du Soleil auditions are by the basketball courts.

4) Another imaginary friend. Not imaginary as in a made-up person, but imaginary as in, we're not really friends and we've never spoken. But we exchanged a smile and we were on adjacent ellipticals and in my mind, we're friends. This happens a lot to me. I'm never sure how to convert these imaginary friendships into actual friendships. Or even actual conversations. It's just like the Pepsi delivery guy at Omaha Hy-Vee #9. We don't need words to communicate how we feel. But I know we're friends, and it was really hard for me when we switched delivery days and I didn't see him anymore. If you're out there, Pepsi delivery guy, just know that I dream of the day when we once again see each other for two or three seconds once a week and nod at each other like the besties we are.

5) A man swimming in a lime green speedo. Yeah, that one doesn't need an explanation, I just want to say that I admire a man with that much confidence.